Kissing The Twins

One afternoon shortly after Sharon and I were formally engaged, I'd gone to her dorm to pick her up. Guys were not allowed upstairs so after calling to let her know I had arrived, I waited downstairs at the pool table. I was playing eight ball, solo. I forget whether I was winning.

After a few minutes Karen (Sharon's identical twin) came up behind me and said, "Hey, honey." This was not unusual; we were in the deep south and everyone talked like this. Additionally, Karen often called me this as a joke. I had never had any problem telling them apart, but she sometimes pretended we were together, just to mess with people.

Concentrating on a tricky bank shot, I said, "Hey, Karen". I took the shot, sunk the last solid, and smiled over my shoulder at her. But she was disappearing back around the corner. A couple of seconds later I heard giggling. I knew instantly.

They had plotted together to fool me. "This!", I thought in a Daffy Duck voice, "This! Means! WARRR!"

I called the eight ball in the side pocket and sunk it, mostly on luck. (I still don't recall if I won, or the other me won.) I laid the cue on the table (there was no rack) and headed around the same corner Karen where Karen had disappeared. The twins stood side by side, grinning. I gave them my biggest smile and looked at Sharon.

"Nice try! If you ever do that again, I will act like you fooled me and give her," (here I nodded toward Karen), "a bigger kiss than I have ever given you... Are we ready to go?"

They never tried it again. Sharon swears to this day it was just because there was no point (I had never had any trouble telling them apart). And that may be the truth, or most of it. But I know they both looked a bit nervous at the time!

Would I have done it? I can't honestly say whether at the time I would have tried to give Karen that kiss or not. I can say Sharon would have gotten an even bigger one. But it was a moot point. They've never tried to fool me again. At least in person. On the phone they sound very alike, so I'm never sure whether it's intentional or not.

Bu that's OK. I'd rather wage love than war, so I let it slide. Plus, I'm totally content with Sharon's kisses. Never look a gifted kisser in the mouth; just hold on and kiss back.

Dental company excepted.

Snake, Mitochondria, Ecthroi: I MIss You

Snake on garden wall
Leads to mitochondria
Love destroys ecthroi

 

Madeleine L'Engle
Beloved doctor of words
Mercury crater

Don't Sit Under the Hippo Tree With Anyone Else But Me

I would love to publish this, but it's a kid's story, and I'm not sure anyone in their right mind would print it, at least before I'm a highly sought after author.

It was a beautiful spring day. The birds were blooming, the flowers were singing.

It was a great day to be in love.

Dave and Ginger went for a stroll in the fields and woods near the palace. They ended up, as always, in the great orchard.

Somehow, they always ended up under the hippo tree. Today was no different.

As Dave gazed down at Ginger, she looked up in return. Her eyes widened with joy. "Look!" she exclaimed, "The hippos are ripe!"

Indeed they were. They gazed fondly up at the hippos squirming amidst the leaves. Soon they would be falling, to prance off gaily in search of the nearby river.

Dave led Ginger to the base of the tree. He spread out his cloak and they sat down under an especially ripe hippo, the biggest they had ever seen. Tenderly he kissed her brow, then pulled out a small box. "For you."

Her face lit up with a smile; it put the sun to shame. As she opened it, a diamond glistened from a golden ring. "Will you marry me, Ginger?"

Ginger gasped. She looked deep into Dave's eyes and opened her mouth to reply.

The full, ripe hippo fell with a loud plop onto the lovers and their cloak.

ILLUSTRATOR'S NOTES
Ginger has the elegance and looks of Ginger from Gilligan's Island but her personality and demeanor are more like Mary Ann (but slightly less perky).
Dave is a tall, lean but muscular, dark haired cowboy who went to a university and started wearing polos.

 

Copyright 2013 Triple R Publishing, Round Rock, TX.

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I went back to this for some reason and started thinking about who I would want to cast in the movie version. (Yes, I realize it would be a very short movie-- even shorter than Hardware Wars, but at least it would be longer than Bambi vs Godzilla.)

Dave: Spencer Davis
Ginger: Joanie Anderson
Hippos: my nieces and nephews, with me in a cameo
Falling hippo: a piñata

If we were forced to use big names, I would be tempted to go with Brad and Angela, looking for the intensity they brought to Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I would use piñatas for the hippos, and Tim Conway as the falling hippo. My cameo would require my death as I would be the diamond in the ring.

Who would you cast? Would you have a cameo?

Uncool

From the middle of sixth grade on, I was usually the uncool geek. Sometimes extremely so. If uncool geekiness had been an extreme sport, there are a lot of days I'd almost have won a gold medal. Why only almost? Because winning would have been at least a little bit cool.

I struggled to be cool-- at least when I wasn't lost in geeky things-- science, chess, comic books, reading, writing, and so on. I finally achieved coolness as a hippie during my college years. Then my world came crashing down. In the midst of despair at having totally made a wreck of things, I came face to face (literally) with God. He hadn't given up. He loved me as much as ever. I fell into Love's embrace.

I was promptly pronounced uncool by some of my friends. It felt surprisingly good. Over time, as I got comfy with who I am, and decided to not sweat it, and just love people, I found myself being treated as cool. Only I no longer cared. I didn't even know what to do with it. So I ignored it.

Just being able to not care if I'm cool is very cool.

You're cool? That's cool. Uncool? That's cool, too. Be you, and enjoy it. Love on folk. The ones who aren't all caught up in themselves and worried about being cool will come around.

Be cool. Whether you think you are or not. Be cool with being you. There's nobody more awesome than you.