Probably the World's Only Song About Gall Stones

This was written on the fly in one take and recorded on my desktop keyboard in the office. Sorry about the quality; you may need to squint to hear it. They always say, "We'll fix it in the mix" but that almost never works.

(Fast paced, modern country song with prominent guitars)

Mama had her gall stones out;
She kept them in a jar.
They looked like big, fat olives
So I put them on the bar.

One day we found our drunk Aunt Tess
Unconscious on the floor...
Mama saw the empty jar
And bolted for the door!

Daddy called up nine one one.
They came and got Aunt Tess.
While she was in the ambulance
She threw up on her dress.

They pumped her out and dumped the stones
In a bio-hazard bin,
But she could smell the alcohol
And downed them all again!

(guitar break: 16 bars sizzling telecaster,
16 bars soaring steel guitar, 16 bars duel and duet)

Tess no longer drinks martinis,
Mom feels really bad.
But Tess told me, "Those olives were
The best I ever had!"

"Nothing can compare with those."
But soon she'll have some more;
The doc took my gall bladder out,
And I'm still kinda sore.

My stones are all the size and shape
My Mom remembers well.
I'll put the jar upon the bar
And never, ever tell!

(guitar solo, fade)

Dedicated to Betty Castleberry, who wrote in her blog that there are no songs about gall stones.

Uncool

From the middle of sixth grade on, I was usually the uncool geek. Sometimes extremely so. If uncool geekiness had been an extreme sport, there are a lot of days I'd almost have won a gold medal. Why only almost? Because winning would have been at least a little bit cool.

I struggled to be cool-- at least when I wasn't lost in geeky things-- science, chess, comic books, reading, writing, and so on. I finally achieved coolness as a hippie during my college years. Then my world came crashing down. In the midst of despair at having totally made a wreck of things, I came face to face (literally) with God. He hadn't given up. He loved me as much as ever. I fell into Love's embrace.

I was promptly pronounced uncool by some of my friends. It felt surprisingly good. Over time, as I got comfy with who I am, and decided to not sweat it, and just love people, I found myself being treated as cool. Only I no longer cared. I didn't even know what to do with it. So I ignored it.

Just being able to not care if I'm cool is very cool.

You're cool? That's cool. Uncool? That's cool, too. Be you, and enjoy it. Love on folk. The ones who aren't all caught up in themselves and worried about being cool will come around.

Be cool. Whether you think you are or not. Be cool with being you. There's nobody more awesome than you.