The Great Presidential Campaign Massacree of 88

Composed in the Afternoon of Destruct... er, Election (1988-11-01)

Nowhere near my best, but I think it conveys the mood I was in facing such a nasty decision that day...

We wanted a tree so straight and strong
 To hold the sky up all day long
  Protect us from the heat of the day
   And keep the storms' destruction at bay
    But all we got was a scrawny bush.

We wanted a king to lead our land
 To hold at bay with outstretched hand
  The enemies coming to destroy
   Our world so fragile that we enjoy
    But all we got was a second-hand duke.

We wanted an eagle to fly so high
 We'd barely see him with our eye
  Our daily lives to so inspire
   That to these same heights we'd aspire
    But all we got was an unknown quail.

I wanted a metaphor as absurd
 As a tree, a duke, or a national bird
  But Bentsen to few things could compare
   Til one thing gave me quite a scare
    The last time we elected a hot dog Texan into the white
     house as VP to a Massachussets Miracle, we ended up deep
      sneakers in Vietnam!

And me a Texan-
 It is so vexin'...

Reproduced here exactly 26 years (OK, and a few hours) later than originally written. It would have been far more perfect in a presidential election year, but resurfaced as mid-terms are this Tuesday, the 4th.

Don't Sit Under the Hippo Tree With Anyone Else But Me

I would love to publish this, but it's a kid's story, and I'm not sure anyone in their right mind would print it, at least before I'm a highly sought after author.

It was a beautiful spring day. The birds were blooming, the flowers were singing.

It was a great day to be in love.

Dave and Ginger went for a stroll in the fields and woods near the palace. They ended up, as always, in the great orchard.

Somehow, they always ended up under the hippo tree. Today was no different.

As Dave gazed down at Ginger, she looked up in return. Her eyes widened with joy. "Look!" she exclaimed, "The hippos are ripe!"

Indeed they were. They gazed fondly up at the hippos squirming amidst the leaves. Soon they would be falling, to prance off gaily in search of the nearby river.

Dave led Ginger to the base of the tree. He spread out his cloak and they sat down under an especially ripe hippo, the biggest they had ever seen. Tenderly he kissed her brow, then pulled out a small box. "For you."

Her face lit up with a smile; it put the sun to shame. As she opened it, a diamond glistened from a golden ring. "Will you marry me, Ginger?"

Ginger gasped. She looked deep into Dave's eyes and opened her mouth to reply.

The full, ripe hippo fell with a loud plop onto the lovers and their cloak.

ILLUSTRATOR'S NOTES
Ginger has the elegance and looks of Ginger from Gilligan's Island but her personality and demeanor are more like Mary Ann (but slightly less perky).
Dave is a tall, lean but muscular, dark haired cowboy who went to a university and started wearing polos.

 

Copyright 2013 Triple R Publishing, Round Rock, TX.

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I went back to this for some reason and started thinking about who I would want to cast in the movie version. (Yes, I realize it would be a very short movie-- even shorter than Hardware Wars, but at least it would be longer than Bambi vs Godzilla.)

Dave: Spencer Davis
Ginger: Joanie Anderson
Hippos: my nieces and nephews, with me in a cameo
Falling hippo: a piñata

If we were forced to use big names, I would be tempted to go with Brad and Angela, looking for the intensity they brought to Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I would use piñatas for the hippos, and Tim Conway as the falling hippo. My cameo would require my death as I would be the diamond in the ring.

Who would you cast? Would you have a cameo?