(All the new hire names are made up.)
One recent grad was a decade older than the rest. Don had taught French at a high school but between not knowing how to help students who didn't care and the abysmal pay, he decided to return to school and try something else. He got a degree in computer science and we hired him.
At this point in our growth it wasn't unusual to hire several people at once; Don was one of four who started together. I was working 80 to 100 hour weeks; the later I worked the less likely I was to get in early. After Don's first day I decided to play a prank on him and the other newbies. When they would log in, they would get a random silly message and get logged out. There was even a point to it- getting them to work as a team to find the problem and fix it.
But I ended up working until 4AM so I wasn't there when they got in. I got in about 2. I logged in. A message displayed. "You're fired." It logged me out. I tried again. Same thing. I laughed- albeit with a wee bit of trepidation. Tom walked nonchalantly into my office and leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed. "So, how are you today?"
"I'm great. I can catch up on my sleep. I just got fired by a computer."
He grinned.
"You gave those guys a rough morning. Craig (the VP) was a bit upset. He calmed down, though."
"They couldn't figure out how to fix it?"
"Apparently none of them hung out with jokers at school. Frank got a message that the line printer was assigned to the overhead lights. He was really confused so he just started reading through the system manuals. Jane recognized what was happening but she hasn't used JCL before so she just came to me and I fixed her login. We came up with the idea for yours even before Craig knew what was going on."
"Well?"
"Here's where it got ugly. Craig went into the machine room for something and found Don and Dave with manuals and stacks of printouts, digging frantically through them and arguing. They didn't want to explain what was going on at first, but Craig raised his voice and that scared them more. Apparently Don's terminal said that someone's program had overwritten the OS and they needed to re-enter it in hex on the system console. So the two of them were desperately trying to find the operating system printout with hexadecimal codes."
I had to stifle a laugh. Craig stuck his head in. "It wasn't funny!"
Tom grinned even more. "Yes it was."
I couldn't help snickering.
Craig laughed. "OK, it was, but you really scared those boys. I think you owe them an apology."
I bought them lunch but they were so relieved they hadn't destroyed anything they weren't even upset.
After a year, Don quit and went back to teaching. He was doing a good job but he simply didn't care. "I'm going back for a masters in French and a masters in teaching. I'll find a way to help those kids." We missed him, but I've always encouraged people to pursue their passion. I was glad he found it anew.
Dave, on the other hand... That was an adventure.
Dave had excellent grades, did well on the test, and knew his stuff. Still, there were enough little red flags in our interactions that I had recommended against hiring him. The decision maker wouldn't listen. he thought I was being petty over something.
Being consultants and founders' backgrounds, we all had to wear coats and ties (or equivalent dress for the women). No jeans. Dave's first day he wore an immaculate three piece suit. He walked into the office of the executive VP (Tom S), introduced himself, and talked a bit. He noted that one of the reasons he had hoped to work at our company was that we looked professional. Tom told me about this later that day and asked, "You sure he's OK?" I related what had happened. He shrugged his shoulders; he didn't like to interfere in the systems group.
A week or two in, Dave showed up in blue jeans and a white button down. As I walked into my office he was brushing his teeth at his desk. An hour later he had his bare feet on his desk, trimming his toenails. When I asked what he was doing, he smiled innocently and said, "Foot hygiene!"
"Let's not do that in front of everyone, OK? What if a customer came in?"
"Oh. I hadn't thought of that."
Jane later thanked me. "Glad you thought of customers. He wasn't listening to us!"
No one would do anything about Dave. I was supposed to manage him but had no authority (this was an ongoing issue and one of the reasons I eventually left). A few months later he started drooling over the women from Shasta' regional office who walked by our windows a couple of times a day. He started watching for one in particular. When he would see her coming, he would hold up a sign. "How about lunch?" Or "Are you available?" I didn't find all this out until Nancy and Helene finally came to me after he went running down the hall when he saw her, opened the front door, leaned against the frame, and told the lady as she passed by, "I love you!"
I talked to him. He wouldn't listen. Craig wasn't in so I went to Tom S. He talked to Dave and made it clear the behavior would stop if Dave liked working for us. Dave grudgingly acceded. I found the lady later (I knew some of them a little bit just from being normal and friendly instead of psycho and friendly). I apologized, explained we had just found out, and told her that if it happened again, she should let us know and he'd be fired. Or if she preferred she could just call the police. She teared up and thanked me several times.
I'm sure the whole Shasta crew was happy when we moved to another location.
Things were weird in various ways for the next year or so with Dave. Eventually he was sent to a customer site on a project we were behind on. We were months late delivering the software but we kept a crew on site at our expense to get things working. After Dave had been on site a week, one of the customer's engineers told Fred (another of our engineers on site) that Dave had told them, "You realize that (our company) is screwing you over, right?" The customer knew we were losing money and working hard to resolve the problems. He figured we should know so he told Fred, who called me. I called Tom S and Craig (they were out of town). They flew Dave there, asked him about it, and he freely admitted it. He had no rational explanation. They fired him and sent him back to turn in his company items and get his stuff and go.
I met him at the front door with his personal possessions in a box. He wasn't allowed anywhere but my office. He was very, very hurt. "I thought you were my friend! Why are you taking their side?"
I gave him the brief version, told him to turn in his company credit cards at the front desk, and go. A moment later Helene came in. "Miles, did Dave give you his cards?"
I ran outside. Dave was pulling away in his car. I jumped on my Honda Interceptor (the only time since I was 16 I rode a motorcycle with no protective gear), and took off in pursuit. Dave had a turbocharger and decided to use it. I still caught him a mile away at a stop sign with enough lead time to park the bike in the middle of the road and get off it just in case.
He smiled his most charming smile. "That was fun. What's up?"
"The credit cards, Dave."
He looked forlorn. "Don't you trust me?"
"It doesn't matter. Those are the rules. You have to turn them in."
He just looked at me.
"Or I have to call the police."
Dave looked devastated. He pulled them out of his shirt pocket (he'd had them ready!) "Don't be a stranger."
"Sorry, Dave. I just might be."
He didn't run me over. He left. I went back to work. Half the office was standing out front, waiting to see if I came back, and whether I was intact. They cheered. I handed Helene the cards. She didn't want to take them. "Do I have to touch these?"
I told Craig if he ever overrode me on a personality rejection again I would quit. He promised not to. Thankfully it never became an issue.
I'm not dissing anyone in management. They were just as new at this as I was; we were all making it up as we went along. We all made mistakes and we all got things right. While it was frustrating at times, it could have been much, much worse.
These stories are 100% true. There may be a minor detail or two wrong, but there is no embellishment. If anything, it was even weirder than described.
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