The Great Coffee Disaster

That should be disasters. Plural.

OK, full disclosure. I haven't been involved in any monumental coffee disasters, at least of the magnitude that requires the EPA or WHO to get involved. But on a personal, need to wake up level... well, that's when most coffee disasters happen, when you need to make coffee but can't function because you need to make coffee. Classic Catch 22 writ small.

I think I have made almost every mistake you can make with a Mr Coffee style drip coffee maker:

• No grounds- great for making hot water, which is great of your name is Eb and you want Hot Water Soup for breakfast.
• No filter, no grounds- ibid
• Using beans you forgot to grind- great if you want soggy coffee beans to eat. Except that they happen to be revolting.
• No basket, no pot- great if you need an excuse to clean the counter and floor before you are awake enough to do that, either.
• No filter- great if you like the grounds in your coffee a la wild west coffee at a campfire.
• No water- the only disaster here is the wait while you wonder where your coffee is and then finally add water.
• No pot- a lovely coffee waterfall, only a disaster if you don't get your mouth under it, or don't like your coffee scalding and black with counter crud.
• Double grounds- hardly a disaster, but it does waste some for the coffee ability of the grounds, which is a terrible tragedy.
• Double water- ugh. Weak coffee is disgusting!
• Pouring water into the grounds- makes a mess, costs time, wastes coffee and water (in a drought you think about these things).

Eons ago we used a stove top percolator. We still have it for emergencies. We made nearly all the mistakes you can with that as well; there are less possible. At least we never melted the pot leaving it empty over a flame too long.

Sadly we never had a stove top espresso or single cup maker. Apparently you can launch boiling grounds 8 feet if you leave the strainer out. Or at least that's what I gather from author Sally Hanan's Facebook page.

The worst was the day I was making a full pot (12 "cups" (who uses a 6 oz coffee cup?)) extra strength and dumped the grounds in without a basket or pot, putting most of the grounds on the floor... in front of everyone I was making coffee for. And it was half of what I had left. Two grinders full later, after sweeping and cleaning the counter, we started a pot of coffee. Thankfully the next morning I found my emergency cache of Starbucks Double Shots.