Auntie Grizelda's Story

If you've never heard the Monkees' song, "Auntie Grizelda", click on this sentence to listen to it before reading this.

(We tracked Auntie Grizelda down in a Pinellas Park, Florida retirement home and interviewed her. Here's what she remembers about the Monkees. She's rather old, hard of hearing, and nearly blind. Out of respect for her, this chapter is printed in large type. -Ed)

``No, I never did like that boy one bit. All that hair, and all those strange clothes, and he just couldn't keep his hands off dear Esmerelda. She was named to rhyme with me, you know. I was her mother's best friend, as well as her favorite sister. In fact, none of those boys could leave that girl alone.

``Yes, that boy was all of the time tryin' to put his arm on her shoulder, and hug on her. I daresay he even tried to kiss her a time or two, and they only dated eight weeks. And all the boys crazy about her, and she about them. What was that girl a'thinkin'? I like to had a fit!

``Esmerelda was a good girl. Still is. She ended up a'marryin' that other Monkee boy, what's his name, Davey Jones. I'd like to send him to Davey Jones' locker! They hadn't been married no time a'tall, I mean they weren't even through with the reception, and that boy had the marriage annulled!

``At least he didn't get her in the family way first. I guess that's somethin' to be grateful for.

``Anyways, that one boy, Michael, he always scared me. Somethin' strange about that boy, how he'd look at me. And always a'wearin' that silly cap, no matter the weather! But I fixed him.

``People say, of course, that the Monkees broke up over some artistic argument, or some such thing. But when that Michael fella kept a'comin' around, and don't think I didn't know what they wanted, even after Esmerelda finally listened to me, and wouldn't have nothin' to do with any of 'em no more, I just got sick and tired of it, and like I said, he scared me.

``This was about a year after the day of the marriage. I called my nephew Frankie over to Brandon, and asked him to come see me. So he did. And I explained about this boy, Michael, and Esmerelda. I tell you, I wished I had thought of Frankie before, and told him about the whole lot of them!

``Anyway, Frankie and a couple of his friends went and paid that Michael a visit. And nobody ever saw him again. I wish I'd a told Frankie about that Davey fella, too, only Frankie could only keep one thing straight at a time.

``Anyway, Frankie took care of things. And today, you always hear about that Michael making movies, or having a song, only nobody ever has any new pictures, just those old ones with that silly hat. And when the Monkees get together for a concert, there's only the three of them, Mickey, Davey, and that other one, but no Michael. On account of I had Frankie take care of him.

``Now, Mickey, after he got over being silly about my niece, he was an all right boy sometimes. Always complimented me on my fudge. But that other one, I'd catch Esmerelda looking at him, and he'd just look back, plain as day, like a deer stuck in the headlights.

``I couldn't abide none of 'em except Mickey, and I only liked him over for tea and fudge when Esmerelda was gone. And one day after he was there, I found all the water splashed out of the wading pool our budgie, Grace, liked to play in. Never knew why, but it always made me wonder.

``Anyway, that's the story. I hear they wrote a song about me. Probably mean and hateful. I don't know, on account of I never listened to that trash they called music. I miss Lawrence Welk. He played good music. Not just any old noise, and hateful words, like those boys played.

``That was what ruined this country, you know. That awful, loud noise and hateful words. And all that hair. Didn't even look like boys! And nowadays, most of 'em look like they stuck their head in somewhere it don't belong, blenders or light sockets or toilets or some such.

``But not my Frankie. He still looks so good. Takes care of himself. That boy keeps his hair nice, and dresses nice. And he still listens to classical music. He's so nice. If only he weren't Esmerelda's cousin, but then I guess he couldn't have taken care of that Monkee fella, and then they wouldn't have left her alone, and I don't know what would have happened then.''