Remember the Alamo? Too vividly.

Kelli: ...remembers the Alamo.

Miles: I remember the Alamo. In fact, it's the last thing I remember.

Jack: Which side were you on?

Miles: The inside.

Jack: How was the view:?

Miles: Gory. Glorious. Terrifying. Intoxicating. Right up til the endless wave of Mexican soldiers came over the wall, flogged hard by the death of their comrades and Santy Anna's frothing like a rabid dog. Then it looked like death, like shiny, cold, hard steel, like hot lead, like blood and brains and guts and pain. Might have been our finest hour, but definitely not our best day. My last actual thoughts were, "Where the hell is Houston?" and "Poor Mrs. Dickinson".

What else, what else...

February. Cool and cloudy, the moon playing hide and seek like my kids I realized I'd never see again. Ground still muddy from rain the week before. Never thought about dying in mud. Kind of ignominious.

Wind was blowing the clouds about and away. Got to see some of that glorious, blue, Texas sky I loved so much while laying in that blasted, cold mud. Suddenly a couple of Mexican soldiers eclipsed the sky, bayonet and sword whipping down. Then I was soaring through the sky toward the brightest sunrise I ever saw. No more mud and blood and guts... From gory to glory in a flash of steel. Those last cuts, made in anger, were the greatest favors anyone ever did for me.

Top 12 Reasons Sara Was Late to Work

A friend named Sara realized she was going to be late for work and asked for help coming up with excuses. I offered these.

1) I was hit by a drunk in a pickup and left for dead, but fortunately a lightning strike brought me back to life. The lightning was too late for me to be on time, but at least I'm here.

(This will sell better if you singe your eyebrows first.)

2) The dog ate my alarm clock.

3) I spent the past 24 hours stranded between two low water crossings on Brushy Creek. I'm only here now because I finally was able to make a life raft from styrofoam sea turtles tied together with hair from the back of a dead pirate that floated by.

4) My alarm clock electrocuted my dog and I was tied up with the Humane Society and county inspectors for several hours.

5) I went to sleep in my room but woke up floating in Lake Travis. It was only an hour ago that the helicopter rescued me and flew me home. I'd have come straight here, but a vulture had puked on me and I figured you'd want me to wash that and the duckweed off first.

6) Some dork named Miles kept posting on my wall and I lost track of time.

7) I was protesting the guy who wants to burn the Korans and a bunch of military families kidnapped me and took me to Killeen for a parade in my honor. I had to sneak out or I'd still be there eating Buffalo Wild Wings and giving speeches.

8) I was protesting the guy who wants to burn the Korans when a bunch of Islamic terrorists kidnapped me and took me to a secret mosque in a bus buried in Waco for a dinner in my honor. I had to sneak out or I'd still be there eating something that reminded me of pork (but I wasn't about to say that) and giving speeches.

9) I was busy burning Korans when the fire department showed up and cited me for violating the burn ban. Then I had to explain to them how I could burn anything that wet. It was tough because I had run out of lighter fluid.

10) I was busy burning Korans when some preacher from Florida kidnapped me and tried to marry me. I only got away by reading Song of Solomon to him in the original Hebrew. He got so excited he burst into flames, which took care of the rest of the Korans.

11) I was busy beating up Miles for constantly spelling Qur'an wrong and I lost track of time. I'll finish up after my shift.

12) If they don't buy any of those, just shoot the clock and glare at them meaningfully. This is Texas.

A friend about to enter the USMC (Steven Eldridge) mentioned he'd been writing poetry. I got to wondering what Marine poetry would be like. This is what crawled out the shifting desert sands of my cranium.


How Do I Love You, Leatherneck?
by MSgt Elizabeth Barrett "50 Cal" Browning
-------------------------
How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways.
Like a 7.62x51 NATO in the bullseye at 1,000 meters.
Like the smell of napalm in the morning.
Like the sound of a thousand drill instructors screaming so loud their lungs come out of their mouths. In unison.



Midnight Muse by GySgt
by Edgar Allen "Alpo" Poe
-------------------------
Once upon a midnight hour
I came upon a lonely flower
Laying in the desert sand
A reminder from God's hand
That an enemy could be near
So I shot the flower, dear.

Birdman of Intrinsitraz

A friend at work (we'll call him Nywroc) loves to hunt. One day while we were playing darts on break and Nywroc was lamenting not getting any doves his last two or three hunts, someone came in to ask if we'd seen the mess on the window. A bird had flown into it so hard something had burst and it had left yucky stuff where it hit. Additionally, there was the vague outline of the whole bird in dust on the window. Someone had drawn an outline of a bird around it. All that was missing was police tape.

Back in the break room, Nywroc got a funny look. He started to say something, then stopped.

Me: "What?"

Nywroc: "Nothing."

Me: "No, what is it?"

Nywroc: "You'll think I'm weird."

Someone (possibly Will): "No, we won't."

Me: "We already think you're weird, so you have nothing to lose."

Nywroc: "I was thinking about getting the bird and taking it home to cook."

All of us: "What are you waiting for?"

Nywroc grinned and ran (literally) out the door. A moment later he was back. "I'll need a bag." Someone found a ZipLoc[tm], and he was off again. We watched out the window as he carried the bird over to the dumpster, stripped off the feathers and wings, and field dressed it right in the parking lot. Soon he was back upstairs with a mess in a bag. Fortunately none of the vegetarians from work were around.

The next day we asked if he ate it.

"Yup."

"How was it?"

"Good. But it was only about two bites!"