My nemesis, the stingray

It's a matter of age... It's not so much that you get hurt easier easier and take longer to heal, but that your reflexes arent what they used to be so you're more likely to find out about the first two.

I didn't realize that Schwinn was making Stingrays again. Michael just got one, so when he came down this weekend we didn't end up jamming on guitars as usual. Instead, he, his brother William, and I headed to a park with the bike. I used to be pretty good at Stingray wheelies. Today I was having a hard time doing much more than getting that tiny front wheel off the ground more than a couple of inches, when suddenly, I did it! Only I didn't stop where I expected to. All the way over. And then two feet down, straight onto my tailbone.

Ouch!

Shoulda jammed.

We played king of the gravel piles (15 foot dunes, woohoo!) for a while, but my tailbone was really getting to me. This one's gonna smart for a few days...


So, this being the 21st century USofA, I feel the need to sue someone. Who should I sue?[1]

1. Michael - no point; he's a college student. Then again, maybe I'd get the Stingray!
   
2. Michael's family - long time friends. I'm sure they have an umbrella insurance policy but they'd never eat at Chuys with us again, and Ariella would probably strangle me with some of her jewelry.
   
3. Schwinn - now we're getting somewhere! No personal relationship, and they have deep pockets. They would probably quit producing Stingrays but maybe I could get all remaining stock as part of the settlement.
   
4. The city of Round Rock - another gold mine! Deep pockets and everyone roots against the government. Area taxes would go up 0.001% but since my income would go up a gajillion percent, who cares?
   

But... who wants to be tied up in court for 5 years? And to be serious for a moment, I think judges should be allowed to put people who file these kinds of suits in the public stocks for a few years and feed their lawyers to cannibals or rabid chipmunks. So instead of suing, I'll just buy a bicycle helmet.

For my butt.


[1] My English teachers and Dr. Seuss's estate, since I said "who" instead of "whom"?


Copyright 2008 Miles O'Neal, Round Rock, TX. All rights reserved.