An Interlude Amidst the Interviews

Let's continue where we left off in the previous blog. The interviews could only go uphill and for that round they did. I don't recall any other disasters, and we hired a great employee. Over the next few years I was still in charge of everything except the actual hiring decisions, into which I had input. But there were still some interesting times.

(All the new hire names are made up.)

One recent grad was a decade older than the rest. Don had taught French at a high school but between not knowing how to help students who didn't care and the abysmal pay, he decided to return to school and try something else. He got a degree in computer science and we hired him.

At this point in our growth it wasn't unusual to hire several people at once; Don was one of four who started together. I was working 80 to 100 hour weeks; the later I worked the less likely I was to get in early. After Don's first day I decided to play a prank on him and the other newbies. When they would log in, they would get a random silly message and get logged out. There was even a point to it- getting them to work as a team to find the problem and fix it.

But I ended up working until 4AM so I wasn't there when they got in. I got in about 2. I logged in. A message displayed. "You're fired." It logged me out. I tried again. Same thing. I laughed- albeit with a wee bit of trepidation. Tom walked nonchalantly into my office and leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed. "So, how are you today?"

"I'm great. I can catch up on my sleep. I just got fired by a computer."

He grinned.

"You gave those guys a rough morning. Craig (the VP) was a bit upset. He calmed down, though."

"They couldn't figure out how to fix it?"

"Apparently none of them hung out with jokers at school. Frank got a message that the line printer was assigned to the overhead lights. He was really confused so he just started reading through the system manuals. Jane recognized what was happening but she hasn't used JCL before so she just came to me and I fixed her login. We came up with the idea for yours even before Craig knew what was going on."

"Well?"

"Here's where it got ugly. Craig went into the machine room for something and found Don and Dave with manuals and stacks of printouts, digging frantically through them and arguing. They didn't want to explain what was going on at first, but Craig raised his voice and that scared them more. Apparently Don's terminal said that someone's program had overwritten the OS and they needed to re-enter it in hex on the system console. So the two of them were desperately trying to find the operating system printout with hexadecimal codes."

I had to stifle a laugh. Craig stuck his head in. "It wasn't funny!"

Tom grinned even more. "Yes it was."

I couldn't help snickering.

Craig laughed. "OK, it was, but you really scared those boys. I think you owe them an apology."

I bought them lunch but they were so relieved they hadn't destroyed anything they weren't even upset.

After a year, Don quit and went back to teaching. He was doing a good job but he simply didn't care. "I'm going back for a masters in French and a masters in teaching. I'll find a way to help those kids." We missed him, but I've always encouraged people to pursue their passion. I was glad he found it anew.

Dave, on the other hand... That was an adventure.

Dave had excellent grades, did well on the test, and knew his stuff. Still, there were enough little red flags in our interactions that I had recommended against hiring him. The decision maker wouldn't listen. he thought I was being petty over something.

Being consultants and founders' backgrounds, we all had to wear coats and ties (or equivalent dress for the women). No jeans. Dave's first day he wore an immaculate three piece suit. He walked into the office of the executive VP (Tom S), introduced himself, and talked a bit. He noted that one of the reasons he had hoped to work at our company was that we looked professional. Tom told me about this later that day and asked, "You sure he's OK?" I related what had happened. He shrugged his shoulders; he didn't like to interfere in the systems group.

A week or two in, Dave showed up in blue jeans and a white button down. As I walked into my office he was brushing his teeth at his desk. An hour later he had his bare feet on his desk, trimming his toenails. When I asked what he was doing, he smiled innocently and said, "Foot hygiene!"

"Let's not do that in front of everyone, OK? What if a customer came in?"

"Oh. I hadn't thought of that."

Jane later thanked me. "Glad you thought of customers. He wasn't listening to us!"

No one would do anything about Dave. I was supposed to manage him but had no authority (this was an ongoing issue and one of the reasons I eventually left). A few months later he started drooling over the women from Shasta' regional office who walked by our windows a couple of times a day. He started watching for one in particular. When he would see her coming, he would hold up a sign. "How about lunch?" Or "Are you available?" I didn't find all this out until Nancy and Helene finally came to me after he went running down the hall when he saw her, opened the front door, leaned against the frame, and told the lady as she passed by, "I love you!"

I talked to him. He wouldn't listen. Craig wasn't in so I went to Tom S. He talked to Dave and made it clear the behavior would stop if Dave liked working for us. Dave grudgingly acceded. I found the lady later (I knew some of them a little bit just from being normal and friendly instead of psycho and friendly). I apologized, explained we had just found out, and told her that if it happened again, she should let us know and he'd be fired. Or if she preferred she could just call the police. She teared up and thanked me several times.

I'm sure the whole Shasta crew was happy when we moved to another location.

Things were weird in various ways for the next year or so with Dave. Eventually he was sent to a customer site on a project we were behind on. We were months late delivering the software but we kept a crew on site at our expense to get things working. After Dave had been on site a week, one of the customer's engineers told Fred (another of our engineers on site) that Dave had told them, "You realize that (our company) is screwing you over, right?" The customer knew we were losing money and working hard to resolve the problems. He figured we should know so he told Fred, who called me. I called Tom S and Craig (they were out of town). They flew Dave there, asked him about it, and he freely admitted it. He had no rational explanation. They fired him and sent him back to turn in his company items and get his stuff and go.

I met him at the front door with his personal possessions in a box. He wasn't allowed anywhere but my office. He was very, very hurt. "I thought you were my friend! Why are you taking their side?"

I gave him the brief version, told him to turn in his company credit cards at the front desk, and go. A moment later Helene came in. "Miles, did Dave give you his cards?"

I ran outside. Dave was pulling away in his car. I jumped on my Honda Interceptor (the only time since I was 16 I rode a motorcycle with no protective gear), and took off in pursuit. Dave had a turbocharger and decided to use it. I still caught him a mile away at a stop sign with enough lead time to park the bike in the middle of the road and get off it just in case.

He smiled his most charming smile. "That was fun. What's up?"

"The credit cards, Dave."

He looked forlorn. "Don't you trust me?"

"It doesn't matter. Those are the rules. You have to turn them in."

He just looked at me.

"Or I have to call the police."

Dave looked devastated. He pulled them out of his shirt pocket (he'd had them ready!) "Don't be a stranger."

"Sorry, Dave. I just might be."

He didn't run me over. He left. I went back to work. Half the office was standing out front, waiting to see if I came back, and whether I was intact. They cheered. I handed Helene the cards. She didn't want to take them. "Do I have to touch these?"

I told Craig if he ever overrode me on a personality rejection again I would quit. He promised not to. Thankfully it never became an issue.

I'm not dissing anyone in management. They were just as new at this as I was; we were all making it up as we went along. We all made mistakes and we all got things right. While it was frustrating at times, it could have been much, much worse.

These stories are 100% true. There may be a minor detail or two wrong, but there is no embellishment. If anything, it was even weirder than described.

The Interview Process From Heck

Not long after I got my first, full time software job at JHK & Associates I was given the task of^[1] finding new employees. I'd never done anything like this. My bosses hadn't done much and didn't care for it so it fell to me. Ex nihilo, I had a week to:

1. come up with a list of job requirements;
2. have one of the admins get them in the appropriate papers (there was no internet);
3. completely revamp the application form;
4. develop a test to screen out posers and help rank people with a clue;
5. get the first applicants screened;
6. make a recommendation to hire.

And by the way, the software delivery schedule can't slip.

Somehow I did it. I probably violated the letter of a couple of federal laws in terms of questions on the application, but we had no evil intentions. Nobody every complained, and we never discriminated on any basis other than technical, leadership, and whether they might be psycho. We learned the last one the hard way, but that story will have to wait.

The test was the hardest part for me. We didn't want to scare people off. We would want this to work for a wide array of positions from entry level to senior. I was quite proud of the result; it served us well for the several years I stayed and they used it long after I left. I wish I still had it.

Some people, of course, don't test well. We always used the test as a starting point for discussion. We hired people who didn't do well on the test. We passed on people who aced it. But that was all over time. The way my first two interviewees reacted to the test, coupled with my lack of experience, made for a hairy couple of days.

These both happened to be women; we'll get to some weird guy interview stories, too. Their names are (AFAIK) fictitious; I certainly don't remember names this many years later. Just their faces.

Interviewee number one was a recent grad from the University of Georgia. They had a good computer program, but it was aimed more at business, focusing on COBOL and maybe BASIC. We were an engineering shop focusing on FORTRAN and assemble languages. As Mary sat down and handed me the test she looked dejected. "I don't think I did very well."

She'd done well on the software engineering questions but got nothing at all on the FORTRAN questions (we had emphasized FORTRAN in the ads). "No, not really. Have you had any FORTRAN at all?"

"No." She looked at the desk. "They told me when I majored in CS that COBOL was all anyone wanted!"

"I'm sorry. I know there are plenty of COBOL jobs around, but this isn't one."

"This was the only programming job in the paper this week! I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm sorry. Thank you for your time and honesty."

I shook her hand and she left, a tear sliding down one cheek. I started to write things up. A moment later I noticed her run past my window. Seconds later one of the admins was in my doorway with her hands on her hips. "Miles! What did you do to her?"

"Nothing. Why?"

"She went past my desk sobbing like her heart was breaking, and ran out the door! I tried to talk to her but she wouldn't stop."

I explained what had happened. Nancy said, "I guess that's why most companies don't tell you anything on site; they call back."

Lesson #1: Never tell an interviewee they haven't got the job unless you are prepared to deal with the fallout!

The next evening we had a woman from another culture interviewing. The test was designed to take 10-15 minutes; she was in my office after five. "This is a stupid test." She flung it down.

Sara had answered less than half the questions. Even some of those were not complete answers.

"I have a masters in computer science. Do you have a masters in computer science?"

"No, but anyone with the knowledge we asked for in the ad should know this." Given that I had not finished my undergrad degree, and that I had friends who had not graduated who could do the test in their sleep, I knew this was true. Both my bosses had Masters degrees but they were quite happy with both my knowledge and the test.

Sara wasn't really interested in discussion; she wanted to browbeat me into giving her the job! After two or three minutes, Tom stepped in from next door. "Could you please hold it down? And, ma'am, if you don't like it, you don't have to stay."

She left in a huff, but first demanded we return every piece of paper to her. I finally gave her the resume back, but the application and test were ours, and she wasn't getting them. She left mumbling vague threats. Tom came back in my office. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah. I lost control of that one."

"You sure did."

"What would you have done?"

He laughed. "Probably been a lot ruder a lot faster if I'd been in your chair."

Lesson #2: Maintain control of the interview, and don't even bother with people with bad attitudes. For those, ignore lesson 1. Just send them on their way.

Helene, our other admin, came down after this one to make sure I was OK. She'd heard it forty feet down the hall, and apparently Sara glared daggers at everyone on her way out. She let them know she wasn't happy, she had her resume, and we should be sued because we were so stupid. I guess I still looked a bit stunned; Helene have me a hug.

To be continued...

 

NOTES
[1] I realize that modern business English would shorten "given the task of" to "tasked with". I still find this mildly annoying. Besides, my phrasing is historically accurate.