Begone, Foul Dwimmerlaik of the Foot!

Some times my feet hurt- especially when I first get up. I'm not sure what that's about, but at least I know it's not this problem.

Palantir facialitis: an excruciating condition in which Sauron's face appears on the bottom of one's foot immediately after waking. Left untreated it may become systemic, eventually leading to burning eyes. Severe cases may lead to betraying loved ones or a desire to birth in mud to exceedingly ugly and unruly children.

Transmission vectors are not clearly understood but there is data indicating a strong correlation between wearing rings provided by untrustworthy companions, strangers, or politicians and more virulent disease symptoms.

The only known cures involve exceptionally hot dragon fire and hurling one's foot into a raging volcano.